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Missed Chance 17/1/2016
It was late on Sunday morning and the man was in bed with a
hard-on. He wrote a note and had his four year old give
it to his mother.
It read:
“The tent pole is up; the canvas is spread; quit your damned
cooking and come back to bed.”
The turned the note over and wrote a reply. She had your
give it to his father.
It read:
“Take the tent pole ...
0 Comentários, 95 Visualizações,
3 Votos
,3.92 Pontuação
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Cream and sugar for a coffee 16/1/2016
Young waitress asks elderly man: Do you want a cream and sugar for your coffee? Man responds by saying: Just a cream because I am sweet already. She asks then: Could you prove it? Man answers: Sure, just kiss me!
0 Comentários, 65 Visualizações,
5 Votos
,3.14 Pontuação
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Sitting under a palm tree 13/1/2016
Did you hear the one about the two Arabs sitting under a palm
tree eating their dates?
2 Comentários, 46 Visualizações,
5 Votos
,3.14 Pontuação
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Two Irish Nuns 12/1/2016
Two Irish nuns, old and young, were sitting at a traffic
light in their car when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulled up
alongside of them.
"Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!"
shouts one of the drunks.
The Mother Superior thought this would be a good test for
the novice, and turns to Sister Immaculata, "I don't
think they know who we are - show them your cross."
So, ...
0 Comentários, 141 Visualizações,
9 Votos
,4.28 Pontuação
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SPOONERISM REVISION! 11/1/2016
What is the difference between a nun & a woman in the
bath?
The nun has a soul full of hope& the bather has a hole
full of soap.
Add any others you know please. XX
0 Comentários, 15 Visualizações,
2 Votos
,3.12 Pontuação
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SPOONERISM 10/1/2016
What is the difference between a nun & a woman in the
bath?
The nun has a soul full of hope& the bather has a hope
full of soap.
Add any others you know please. XX
0 Comentários, 8 Visualizações,
1 Votos
,3.70 Pontuação
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what is this? 7/1/2016
what am i doing here?
0 Comentários, 29 Visualizações,
2 Votos
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Garden Hoe's:P 7/1/2016
What’s the best part about gardening?
Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
0 Comentários, 28 Visualizações,
6 Votos
,1.09 Pontuação
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Saggy Boob? 7/1/2016
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re
nuts.
0 Comentários, 12 Visualizações,
2 Votos
,0.34 Pontuação
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Rubiks Cube ? 7/1/2016
What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cubes have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets
0 Comentários, 11 Visualizações,
2 Votos
,1.73 Pontuação
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Lesbo Dino? P 7/1/2016
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-a-lotta-puss.
0 Comentários, 9 Visualizações,
2 Votos
,0.34 Pontuação
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Dr Papper! :P 7/1/2016
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
0 Comentários, 15 Visualizações,
2 Votos
,0.34 Pontuação
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Banana?? 7/1/2016
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!
0 Comentários, 12 Visualizações,
2 Votos
,0.34 Pontuação
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Mafia :D 7/1/2016
What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
0 Comentários, 12 Visualizações,
2 Votos
,0.34 Pontuação
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Santa Clause? 7/1/2016
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
0 Comentários, 2 Visualizações,
2 Votos
,0.34 Pontuação
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Goodyear :D 7/1/2016
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
0 Comentários, 5 Visualizações,
4 Votos
,2.47 Pontuação
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Teacher.... 7/1/2016
Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
0 Comentários, 6 Visualizações,
4 Votos
,2.47 Pontuação
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Brothel :D 7/1/2016
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We’re closed 
0 Comentários, 4 Visualizações,
2 Votos
,0.34 Pontuação
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Exercises for those over 55 2/1/2016
With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms
straight out from your sides and hold them there as long
as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
Each day you'll find that you can hold this position
for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.
Then try 50-lb bags and eventually try to get to where
you can lift a ...
2 Comentários, 101 Visualizações,
7 Votos
,4.82 Pontuação
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Little Bruce 1/1/2016
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they
know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce
goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith,
me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in
marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith ...
1 Comentários, 162 Visualizações,
9 Votos
,5.78 Pontuação
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Well-baby exam 31/12/2015
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room
waiting for the doctor to come for the baby's first
exam.
Finally the doctor arrived, examined the baby, check his
weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby
was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
“Breast-fed, ” she replied.
“Well! We'll have to check you out. Alright then,
strip down to your waist. ...
0 Comentários, 144 Visualizações,
5 Votos
,5.43 Pontuação
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12:30 31/12/2015
Two old guys were sitting around talking. One guy said to
the other, Hey, I just got me a brand new hearing aid. It's
the state of the art, It is really high tech, and hell , it
cost me a bundle. Other guy says, Oh, really? What kind is
it.? Other guy replied 12:30.
0 Comentários, 46 Visualizações,
6 Votos
,2.80 Pontuação
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The Errant Wife 30/12/2015
A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's
after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if
he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having
an affair and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100,
the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband
and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches
on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is ...
0 Comentários, 192 Visualizações,
8 Votos
,5.80 Pontuação
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No Santa 28/12/2015
Anyone wondering why they didn't see the old fat guy
this year, I hate to tell ya:
Seems he got busted in CA for laying some doll under a tree!
0 Comentários, 28 Visualizações,
3 Votos
,2.94 Pontuação
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Politically Correct Definitions 20/12/2015
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading
America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians
will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.'
You must now refer to them as ‘APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS’.
And furthermore, HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY
CORRECT:
1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She
is a ‘BREASTED AMERICAN. '
...
1 Comentários, 83 Visualizações,
6 Votos
,4.22 Pontuação
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man down call 911!!! 19/12/2015
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful,
elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
2 Comentários, 46 Visualizações,
6 Votos
,4.79 Pontuação
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easy A!!!! 19/12/2015
After having failed his exam, a student goes and confronts
his lecturer about it. Student: “Sir, do you really understand anything about
the subject?” Professor: “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a
professor!”
Student: “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.
If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark
as is and go. If you however do not ...
2 Comentários, 137 Visualizações,
11 Votos
,5.41 Pontuação
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wishlist!!! 16/12/2015
One hot summer day, a redneck came to town with his dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed
into the bar for a cold one.
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the bar and asked,
"Who owns the tied under that tree outside?"
The redneck said it was his.
"Your seems to be in heat."
The redneck replied, "No way. She's cool 'cause
she's tied up ...
1 Comentários, 128 Visualizações,
15 Votos
,5.27 Pontuação
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What did the chicken say to the blind farmer? 14/12/2015
Moo
2 Comentários, 32 Visualizações,
4 Votos
,0.92 Pontuação
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A twist on an old saying 12/12/2015
We have all heard the saying : <br><br>
"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
<br><br>
I like the one for the ladies that says: <br><br>
"Why buy the hog when all you want is some sausage?
1 Comentários, 26 Visualizações,
2 Votos
,2.42 Pontuação
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